He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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