You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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