i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize