I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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