If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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