I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
