I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
