i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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