i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
