I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize