Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
