Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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