i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
