I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
