Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
