hotel room ftw
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Mom said you looked used
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
