I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
false alarm, still single
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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