I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
