I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
two words: eviction party
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize