I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
