i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Congratulations! We have a period
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