I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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