I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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