We named our party play list daddy issues
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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