hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
