He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
