soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
