Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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