so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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