Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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