She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
