hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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