glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
