well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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