i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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