I wish my penis had an off switch
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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