I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
