Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
