it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
