i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
