Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
