We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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