It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
