I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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