My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
