I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
