BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
