Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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