it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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