nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
