wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
