Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
