May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
