I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
