And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
