standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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