She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We need to get me chipped asap
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
