woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
