I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
