those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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