Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
