I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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