Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize