Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize